Deference To No One

People say, “If you don’t like ______, we can’t be friends.”

Well I’ve had tons of friends and they all eventually left when they found out I was an imposter. Intravenous glowsticking wasn’t my scene. Swallowing shoplifted beta fish got old really quick for me too. I find it hard to believe I ever let myself snort crystal Windex.

I couldn’t keep up with all the trends the way some people were capable of.

And it became noticeable.

I once asked, “Why can’t we just hang out and talk about our interests, maybe do something constructive?”

And for questioning the activities, I was told I was acting strange.

But I don’t care anymore.

My body still glows in the dark at night and it keeps me awake. I’m tired. I just want to be involved in something authentic that isn’t so ridiculous and short lived. I can’t stop thinking about all those poor fish we ate — they could’ve been someone’s pet. And it had to be damaging to all those pet stores’ revenues too.

I no longer care about all the benefits that come with the “in” social group; the parties, the inside jokes, the general acceptance… It’s costed me a great amount of self respect, and I have no idea what my convictions are anymore.

I was running and running to keep up, but as anyone could tell, I was still far behind.

So I quit trying.

And it’s been OK so far.

I get teased a bit, but it’s bearable.

And just know…

If you’re at a party trying to enjoy yourself and hang, and someone pops the cap to a lava lamp and starts passing it around…you’re allowed to have second thoughts…and get this, you’re allowed to keep passing it as well. If you get asked to leave, you can accept the offer and you can go be the real you elsewhere.

Who even knows the longterm damage of drinking from a lava lamp?

I can tell you about “glowsticking” though.

Or if you find me out at night, you can see for yourself.

It’s not hard to find me.

I’m the one who’s glowing.

Psyche Out!

Telling people they’re wrong when they’re right is a total power move. When this train doesn’t experience any delay and it does arrive at the station on schedule, this lady is going to be shocked! She was right the first time. Total psyche out!

If you run up to someone and scream, “HAND OVER YOUR WALLET IT’S AN EMERGENCY!” That’s a psyche out too. And it’s not a crime. You had no weapon, you didn’t threaten anyone, you only loudly gave a command. They should learn not crumble under pressure and comply. It works well on kids. Psyche out!

I go to the bank teller and I pull out my pocket watch. I begin swinging it back and forth. She falls into a trance. I tell her to call over her co-workers. They’re all under my command. I tell them to open the vault. I take a peek inside. I take nothing. I whisper, “Psyche out!”

Everyone that I psyched out earlier in the day arrives at the bank simultaneously on schedule. I present them their winnings for obeying me. My community is happy. Psyche Out! It’s jail time!

Next: Psyched Out Early On Good Behavior.